


on the mend

by sleepingintheculdesac



Series: the words we say [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Multimedia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, always with the angst, media fic, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepingintheculdesac/pseuds/sleepingintheculdesac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I shouldn't be surprised I got your voicemail. Our life is nothing if not a bunch of missed phone calls, after all."</p><p>Or: If Steve learned to make the call, and Bucky learned to pick up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a military modern au media fic, preceded by [new york, quit calling](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2753858) and [tear down the house](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3169718/chapters/6883082), both of which are recommended reading before diving head first into this particular mess of emotions. That said, this fic can also be read as a stand alone, modern au recovery fic, but frankly it's not nearly as fun without the background knowledge. 
> 
> This story is told entirely through dialogue and other forms of media (with the occasional sound effect). While I've attempted to be consistent with the formatting for the texts in particular, moments where I was distracted by something shiny may have prevented me from paying as much attention to detail as I should've. If it's ever unclear as to who is speaking, or if you're generally finding it difficult to distinguish between characters, let me know!
> 
> This fic is not completed but soon will be. I'm planning to post a chapter every Sunday (though if you're lucky, you might get one or two a touch earlier). I have plans to write some one-shots in this universe as well, to flesh out some behind the scenes moments and all that, (plus, I really miss writing full paragraphs!), so if there's anything you'd like to see or read within the context of this universe across any of the three fics so far, please drop a comment to let me know. 
> 
> As has been my MO, every chapter is preceded with lyrics from the Avett Brothers. I link to every song at the beginning of every chapter - feel free to give them a listen if you're into that twangy folk I'm so fond of. 
> 
> Finally, I'd like to thank [stephsfine](stephsfine.tumblr.com) for lending a much needed ear, and helping me write Bucky the way he was meant to be written.
> 
> On with the show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on the mend when I fell through  
> The sky around was anything but blue  
> I found as I regained my feet, a wound across my memory  
> \- The Avett Brothers, [Feburary Seven](https://youtu.be/rkVM4AxzxCE?t=40)  
> 

_Then:_

_April 15, 2006, 9:34am_  
_This is Steve Rogers. I’m away from the phone, but if you leave me your name, number, and a brief message, I’ll get back to you asap. Thanks, and have a good one._ -BEEP-

Hey, hey Steve, do I sound different? Maybe like I’m walking and talking at the same time? And before you make any jokes, wise-ass, just remember that I’m the one that still has pictures of you as a toddler, and I’ll put them to good use if I need to.

So, before I get sidetracked at the thought of blackmail, you should know that I finally caved and let Tony give me a new phone. Stark Industries’ finest satellite phone. The kind that rings underwater and everything. According to Tony, if the apocalypse hits, and there’s even one survivor, then at least they’ll still be able to play tetris on this thing to pass the time. I tried to fight him on the colour, but I guess bright red is easy to spot in a crowd, right?

I… I know you’re maybe a bit nervous about me going off without you pal, but what you do is important. Just because you’re not getting shot at, doesn’t mean you’re not making a difference. Hell, Steve, you can get people to care about anything. You know what it means to do the right thing. Honestly, the average citizen could stand to use a little more of that more than any soldier I know.

Anyway, give me a call soon. Ooh, or send me a text. Those things are way snazzier anyway, right? I know you like to pull the grandpa routine when it comes to technology, but what can I say? This is the wave, punk - you and I are just along for the ride.

++++

_Now:_

Tues Feb 14 2017 // **Sam Wilson**  
(10:15am)  
**What did one pickle say to the other pickle on Valentine’s Day?**

(10:15am)  
**You mean a great dill to me!**

 **Steve Rogers**  
(10:19am)  
…

(10:19am)  
**Wait wait, I got more.**

(10:21am)  
**What did the paper clip say to get the magnet to go out with them?**

(10:22am)  
Aw geez

(10:23am)  
**I find you very attractive!**

(10:25am)  
You need to quit while you’re ahead.

(10:26am)  
**Wait, you’ll love this one**

(10:27am)  
**What do single people call Valentine’s Day?**

(10:29am)  
**The 4th of July!**

(10:31am)  
**Get it, cause it’s Independence Day.**

(10:31am)  
**And is also, fittingly, the day of your birth**

(10:33am)  
Yeah, I got it

(10:34am)  
**This material is wasted on you.**

(10:36am)  
So I take it you’re excited?

(10:37am)  
**Excited? About what?**

(10:40am)  
About your date with Sharon. Which I had to hear about from Sharon, by the way.

(10:41am)  
**Man, I thought I told her not to mention it to you.**

(10:45am)  
Well, thankfully, Sharon isn’t as paranoid about offending me because I’m “perpetually single.”

(10:47am)  
**What are the quotation marks supposed to be implying there? I definitely did not call you perpetually single.**

(10:47am)  
**Perpetually stubborn, maybe**

(10:50am)  
Sam, I’m a grown man. You don’t have to hide your dates from me.

(10:52am)  
Not to mention, I’m actually very happy for you. Sharon could probably stand to raise her bar a little, though.

(10:52am)  
**Ha ha**

(10:54am)  
Seriously, does she know about the jokes? I think I might be legally obligated to tell her how bad they are.

(10:55am)  
**Okay wise ass, you made your point**

(10:55am)  
**You’re really okay with this?**

(10:58am)  
For the zillionth time, yes.

(11:07am)  
**You know…**

(11:09am)  
Please Lord, not a ‘you know.’

(11:10am)  
**I’m just saying, Sharon has friends.**

(11:12am)  
Seeing as I once dated her, I’m aware she doesn’t live in a cave, yes.

(11:14am)  
**And you’re not so…shabby looking**

(11:16am)  
The jokes were less painful than this.

(11:18am)  
**I think the last time you went out on a date was the 1930s. Give or take.**

(11:20am)  
Yeah, Roosevelt and I had a jolly old time.

(11:21am)  
**Eleanor probably didn’t buy that and neither do I.**

(11:24am)  
**Doesn’t it get lonely? Painting and running and eating three boxes of Chinese takeout and listening to old Taylor Swift albums?**

(11:26am)  
Bite your tongue. Taylor Swift is a national icon.

(11:29am)  
**Get out of the house, old man.**

(11:34am)  
I’ll take your advice under consideration.

(11:36am)  
**Don’t strain yourself, you social butterfly you.**

(11:39am)  
Right, while you keep mocking me, I’m just gonna text Sharon a picture of your dolls.

(11:41am)  
**Ahem. Action figures. Completely different.**

+++

 _Your call has been forwarded to an automatic message system._ –Steve Rogers- _is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press pound for more options._ –BEEP-

“Hey, it’s me. I’m just waiting for James to come out - we’ll probably grab a cronut or something equally nauseating on the way back - just wanted to see if you wanted anything. Thirty seconds into this phone call I’m realizing that of course you’ll want something because you’re an insatiable pile of gluttony. Anyway, we’ll see you back at the building in about half an hour—”  
“Natasha—”  
“Oh, he’s out. See you soon!”

+++

 **Tony Stark**  
(3:45pm)  
**capsicle**

 **Steve Rogers**  
(3:56pm)  
Please don’t call me that.

(3:57pm)  
**well since you said please**

(3:57pm)  
**i need a favour**

(3:58pm)  
**can you talk to Sarg about coming to the lab?**

(3:59pm)  
**bruce and i have been working on some prosthetic technology that we think he’d be perfect for**

(4:03pm)  
Why don’t you ask him yourself?

(4:04pm)  
**you’ve just got such a way with words cap**

(4:04pm)  
**i mean steve. sorry. typo. blasted technology always working against me.**

(4:06pm)  
You’ve already asked him, haven’t you.

(4:07pm)  
**he wasn’t the most receptive to the idea**

(4:09pm)  
If you weren’t able to get him to agree to it, I don’t see why you think I will. We don’t exactly talk.

(4:10pm)  
**a good word from his former bff might be enough to get him to not totally hate the idea.**

(4:14pm)  
Even if we were talking

(4:15pm)  
Which we’re not

(4:16pm)  
I’m not going to undermine his answer by asking him something you’ve already asked him

(4:18pm)  
**look stevie-kins, this could be really really good for barnes. i know he hasn’t been having the easiest time with physical therapy - probably reaching that plateau point right about now.**

(4:19pm)  
**barnes likes you better than me. he probably just said no because I was the one offering**

(4:21pm)  
I don’t blame him.

(4:21pm)  
**you wound me, soldier**

(4:23pm)  
**he doesn’t have to walk out with the weight permanently fused to his shoulder - just convince him to come have a look.**

(4:25pm)  
I’ll ask. But it’s not going to work.

(4:26pm)  
**cap you old softie you!**

(4:27pm)  
You know I can take you, right? Genuinely.

(4:28pm)  
**steve, in the infamous words of philosopher jay-z: chill**

(4:28pm)  
**really. words to live by**

 

+++

_You have one unheard message. First message:_

“Hello Steven, this is Dr. Erskine returning your call. I’m sorry to hear that you won’t be able to make it in for your session tomorrow. You mentioned rescheduling for next Monday - unfortunately, you might recall that my Mondays are typically booked for 1:00pm, but I’m happy to move some things around to see you on Tuesday or Wednesday. Give me call and let me know which of those days work best. As always, I’m available on my phone in case of an emergency, or if you’d simply like to talk. I hope to connect with you soon. Goodbye.”

\- BEEP -

_Message deleted. End of messages._

+++  
**Sam Wilson**  
(8:39pm)  
**Have I mentioned how much I owe you?**

 **Clint Barton**  
(8:40pm)  
you could stand to mention it a few more times probably

(8:40pm)  
though can a date be going that well if you have time to text me about how fantastic I am for setting it up?

(8:40pm)  
**She had to take a work call, asshole.**

(8:40pm)  
i’m soooo sure

(8:42pm)  
**No Valentines plans keeping you away from the phone apparently.**

(8:43pm)  
america’s next top model is on. nat and i were hanging out with the brooklyn boys

(8:44pm)  
**How you managed to get them in the same room with each other is beyond me**

(8:45pm)  
Tyra Banks has powers we can only dream of

(8:46pm)  
besides, barnes has since locked himself in the bathroom and hasn’t come out for an hour, so we’ve shifted gears

(8:46pm)  
**What happened?**

(8:47pm)  
steve brought up stark’s prosthetic and it set him off in a bad way

(8:48pm)  
**That shit does not make for good Tuesday talk**

(8:48pm)  
hindsight. 20-20

(8:50pm)  
**Sharon’s back. Lemme know how it plays out**

(8:50pm)  
will do. so sharon’s really into you, hey? dolls and all?

(8:51pm)  
**ACTION FIGURES.**

+++

 **907 845 5093**  
(10:04pm)  
So, that went well

 **Steve Rogers**  
(10:06pm)  
It was my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed

(10:08pm)  
James isn’t made of glass. You can have conversations with him without worrying that he’s going to have a panic attack

(10:10pm)  
Except that he DID have a panic attack

(10:12pm)  
Well, Tuesday is therapy day. Also the bakery was sold out of cronuts

(10:15pm)  
I shouldn’t have listened to Tony

(10:17pm)  
For all of Tony’s less-than-admirable qualities, he actually had good intentions this time around. Don’t blame Tony.

(10:19pm)  
Well then Nat, who am I allowed to blame?

(10:21pm)  
“I know our instinct is look for someone to blame. But I urge you to look at the state of the world more critically - war isn’t fought by heroes and villains. It’s fought by people, and people come in shades of grey.”

(10:24pm)  
Did you just quote one of my own press conferences back at me?

(10:25pm)  
You’re very inspiring when you want to be. I can link you to the original footage if you think it’ll help

(10:27pm)  
I’m good, thanks.

(10:28pm)  
James will come around. Bruce and Tony put a lot of work into that design. When James is ready for it, he’ll realize it

(10:29pm)  
You’re probably right

(10:29pm)  
Probably?

(10:31pm)  
In the meantime, maybe you should consider talking to him

(10:31pm)  
You know, instead of gazing at him longingly during the runway challenge

(10:32pm)  
There was no gazing.

(10:34pm)  
According to Clint, “The pining was more entertaining than Tyra’s hair”

(10:39pm)  
Natasha

(10:42pm)  
Steve

(10:47pm)  
You know, he used to talk to me about how much he cared about you.

(10:55pm)  
I’m not getting into this. He doesn’t need a lovesick person from his past reminding him about how things used to be. It’s different now.

(10:56pm)  
Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know unless you talk to him

(11:00pm)  
I triggered a panic attack bringing up the possibility of a prosthetic arm. Talking about the good old days isn’t going to be any different.

(11:01pm)  
I think you need to learn to trust your friend, Steve Rogers.

+++

_“You’ve reached James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back.”_

-BEEP-

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. You’re leaving yourself this voicemail at 12:02 am on February 15, 2017 to listen to when you wake up. You live in New York City. Natasha Romanov is your friend. Clint Barton is your friend. Steve Rogers is your friend. They won’t hurt you. You have one arm. You’re not with HYDRA. You’re not a prisoner of war. You’re not in danger. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. [breathing] It wasn’t real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://sleepingintheculdesac.tumblr.com/) if you are so inclined!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have to drag me away from my demons  
> Kicking and screaming  
> It's been so long now, I've been with them  
> Don't know where they stop and I begin  
> \- The Avett Brothers, [Paul Newman vs. The Demons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu7eqmOQhLA)  
> 

_Then:_

_May 9, 2009 , 2:04pm_  
_This is Bucky. Leave a message if you feel like it. Unless your name is Steve Rogers and you haven’t gotten your head out of your ass yet. Then don’t bother._ -BEEP-

Bucky, you’re acting like you’re twelve. You can’t just freeze me out because I’m doing something you don’t approve of. You’re my friend, not my keeper, for crying out loud… not to mention, you being upset that I enlisted is COMPLETELY hypocritical, seeing as you've been serving on the frontline for three years now, and I’ve just had to keep my fucking mouth shut, because it makes total sense for you to throw yourself at a bullet while I just sit here and write cat food ads like they matter?

…I’m just trying to do the right thing here, Bucky. I… I guess if you’d done something like this behind my back I would’ve been pissed too -. I’m not… I’m not just trying to… to prove anything to myself, or to you. This isn’t about that. But you have to understand, I can’t just sit here when I could be doing something more. And I’m not gonna lie - you being out there is a part of it. You’ve always had my back, it ain’t right that you’re out there when I don’t have yours.

Anyway, when you’re done being a whining jerk, give me a call.

++++

_Now:_

March 1, 2017 // **+1 306 865 4591**  
(5:07am)  
Morning sunshine

 **James Barnes**  
(5:10am)  
_I was already awake_

(5:11am)  
Awake before 6am? Impressive. Though it’s more likely that you just didn’t sleep, but I won’t hold it against you.

(5:14am)  
What’re you going to do today?

(5:19am)  
_I thought I’d start with a good dose of self-pity. Maybe pencil in some time to contemplate the meaning of life. Finish up with a good cry and a couple pieces of broken furniture._

(5:20am)  
So the usual then?

(5:20am)  
_Natasha, stop checking in on me_

(5:21am)  
Touchy.

(5:22am)  
_So, you have me all figured out. What’re you doing up at the crack of dawn?_

(5:22am)  
Picking up Steve.

(5:33am)  
_Where’d they send him this time?_

(5:34am)  
Classified.

(5:35am)  
Sorry

(5:36am)  
_Don’t apologize for stupid things_

(5:36am)  
They’ve been sending him out a lot more lately.

(5:40am)  
I know he was doing some stuff in India last month. He usually goes with Clint. Sometimes May.

(5:41am)  
I think he was solo this time though. Infiltration mission of some kind.

(5:42am)  
He checked in with command last night. Wasn’t supposed to be back until Friday.

(5:43am)  
Is this the sort of intel you’re looking for?

(5:44am)  
_Don’t care_

(5:45am)  
Oh really?

(5:46am)  
You’re both being idiots, just so my thoughts on the matter are clear.

(5:47am)  
_Great_

(5:48am)  
I don’t suppose you’ve tried just asking him this shit yourself?

(5:49am)  
_No._

(5:51am)  
Because that would be way too easy, right?

(5:51am)  
_What do you want from me, Natasha?_

(5:45am)  
I just don’t get why you’re martyring yourself. You two only spend time together when Clint or Sam or I force you to. Clearly it bothers both of you that you don’t talk. Why won’t you do something about it?

(5:51am)  
_I wasn’t the one that stopped visiting when we got back to New York._

(5:52am)  
That was a year ago, James. Besides, Steve stopped visiting on SHIELD’s orders.

(5:55am)  
_So not only did he not want to see me, an entire organizational body put down an entire mandate that we stop fraternizing._

(5:56am)  
Don’t be a drama queen. There was no mandate.

(5:57am)  
You were still recovering. You needed space. It was for his and your benefit, and you know it.

(5:59am)  
_I’m tired of talking about this._

(6:01am)  
He hated it, you know. Not seeing you.

(6:02am)  
_Stop it._

(6:04am)  
Fine. You’re still being an idiot.

(6:06am)  
_Whatever._

(6:09am)  
I’m getting in the car now. I’ll see you this evening.

(6:15am)  
_Tell him welcome home._

(6:15am)  
Tell him yourself.

+++

[TRANSCRIPT - Press Conference with Steven Grant Rogers, moderated by Agent Maria Hill]  
[Friday, March 3, 2017 // 3:32pm EDT]

[applause]

CAPTAIN ROGERS: Hello, um, good afternoon everyone. Thank you, Governor for that introduction. As was already stated, today I’m here to talk about some of the work - the non-classified work, that is - that SHIELD has been doing abroad to secure American interests, as well as, um, give you an opportunity to ask questions and show that we’re, um, that SHIELD is, um, committed to continued transparency. [coughing, clears throat]

As most of you know already, I’ve been undertaking more continuous work with SHIELD. Some of that work has been more public - like the Ultron threat in Sokovia, where we had the opportunity to assist the renowned Maximoff agents to help prevent a local armed dealer from distributing weapons globally. Some of that work has been more classified, um, and will remain classified for the safety of our agents and for the American public.

And, um, oftentimes it’s unclear as to how helping our neighbours in India, in Pakistan, in Sokovia, is actually helping to advance American interests. While our military history has always been complex, often violent, often without much of an obviously peaceful resolution, our capacity for helping our international neighbours on their terms is one that is often overlooked. The myth of the American Bully is one that we’re trying to deconstruct - I don’t know about you, but I’ve never liked bullies. [laughter].

Why don’t we open the floor to some questions.

Gabriela French, NBC.

Q: Captain Rogers, you’ve been very active in the press for the past year following the reveal and subsequent fallout of SHIELD. But prior to the fall of HYDRA in December of 2015, you were notably absent from the media, known for refusing interviews and for avoiding the public sphere. Is your increased public presence a strategy to divert the media’s attention onto you and away from SHIELD’s campaigns and stakeholders?

CAPTAIN ROGERS: Well, um, Ms. French, if that’s the case, then it’s the first I’m hearing about it. [laughter].

Honestly, my work and training are not and have never been, um, public in nature. I’m trained specifically as a soldier, trained for special tactics and reconnaissance, and that has often necessitated that I avoid the public eye. For a myriad of reasons, I also had a leave of absence for nearly all of 2015—

Q: But why—

CAPTAIN ROGERS: No, no, I won’t get into the details of that, but that is in part why I was less active in the public sphere until recently. Now, working with SHIELD, and being able to discuss at least part of that work publicly, has allowed me to the opportunity to, um, face my discomfort when it comes to public speaking. [quiet laughter] I do believe that some measure of transparency is owed to the public, and I genuinely think that this is a very effective measure to hold our organizational bodies accountable. So despite my unease being in front of a camera, I’m happy to contribute in that regard.

Nadia Allers, The Wall Street Journal

Q: Captain Rogers, can you speak more broadly to the Avengers Initiative, and perhaps clarify what it is, who it answers to, and what it will look like in practice? Thank you.

CAPTAIN ROGERS: Certainly, Ms. Allers. The Avengers Initiative was a proposal put forward by SHIELD to intelligence agencies around the world. Ideally, the Avengers will be act as an international response team that will be attend to dynamic threats that require a more specialized, trans-national solution. This proposal was made in response to the increasingly complex security incidents that have occurred around the world in the past decade. A pre-established team of this nature would be able to rely on the varied backgrounds, skills, and resources of their partners in order to asses and diminish the risks posed by these threats. What the Avengers are and aren’t allowed to do within their capacity as an international body will depend on the country in which the threat originates, and the policies of the intelligence agency primarily responding to that threat. I hope that answers your question.

Jon Richardson, FOX News

Q: Captain, you spoke of a violent precedent set by the American military, evidenced in our various international missions across the world in the past twenty years. Are you suggesting that your own work with SHIELD is non violent? If I’m not mistaken, drawing from the example in Sokovia, fifty six people died during the raid on Ultron’s weapons cache. Is it possible for you, as a soldier, to handle escalated situations without necessary violence?

CAPTAIN ROGERS: I think that by virtue of being a soldier, violent and aggressive altercations are at times unavoidable, um, but I also think that they should be a last resort. Particularly in cases where we are providing resources or assistance to international counterparts, they should be the ones that set the terms for how to proceed, and what kind of strategies we should be using. If a situation can be handled with diplomacy—

Q: What do you say to those who would call that perspective naive and simplistic?

CAPTAIN ROGERS: The proof that these measures work is in the statistics, Mr. um, Richardson, is it? Death caused - directly or indirectly - by American intervention is at an all time low, while the perception of both the United States and the United States Military has since improved internationally—

Q: Frankly, Captain Rogers, your most successful campaigns have been ones in which aggression and force were at the forefront—

CAPTAIN ROGERS: I think that that opinion is rather subjective—

Q: What about the people responsible for the death of the Howling Commandos, do they deserve a diplomatic compromise—

CAPTAIN ROGERS: [stands] You’re out of line.

MARIA HILL: We’ll be moving on to the next question.

Q: Do all SHIELD agents arbitrarily decide when violence is and isn’t necessary?

MARIA HILL: Security.

Q: How are we supposed to trust a soldier that refuses to shoot—

CAPTAIN ROGERS: [approached by an unidentified agent, ushered off the stage]

MARIA HILL: Captain Rogers is being called away on other business. I will continue to field your questions for the remaining time. I’d like to remind all members of the press to limit themselves to a single question. We will resume in five minutes.

+++

March 3, 2017 // **+011 90 213 312 2965**  
(6:02pm)  
Rough day at work?

 **Steve Rogers**  
(6:10pm)  
They aired it, huh?

(6:11pm)  
Of course they did, they’re the press.

(6:15pm)  
Let’s go for a pick me up.

(6:18pm)  
I don’t know

(6:22pm)  
James is coming.

(6:23pm)  
And I bet I can convince Sam to show his face. We’ll all grab a drink, it’ll be a good time.

(6:34pm)  
James is for sure coming?

(6:35pm)  
You’re a little pathetic, but I love you Rogers.

(6:35pm)  
The Alibi? 8 o’clock?

(6:42pm)  
Alright.

(6:43pm)  
That’s the spirit, dear.

+++

 **+41 54 578 9842**  
(6:45pm)  
Still on for drinks?

 **James Barnes**  
(6:55pm)  
_Am I allowed to change my mind?_

(6:57pm)  
No

(6:59pm)  
_Then I guess I’m still on for drinks._

(7:02pm)  
We’re meeting at The Alibi. Know where that is?

(7:04pm)  
_I know how to use google maps._

(7:06pm)  
You're a technological marvel, Barnes. 

+++

 **Steve Rogers**  
(8:02pm)  
Hey, how soon until you get here?

 **Sam Wilson**  
(8:07pm)  
**How soon until I get where?**

(8:09pm)  
The Alibi.

(8:11pm)  
**Did I just accidentally bail on you? I swear I have no memory of this.**

(8:13pm)  
I thought Natasha was inviting you… maybe I was supposed to invite you?

(8:15pm)  
**Dude, I’m leaving to meet Sharon in twenty minutes - we’re going to a show.**

(8:16pm)  
Fancy stuff.

(8:17pm)  
**Yeah, Beauty and the Beast.**

(8:18pm)  
**Natasha scored tickets for me.**

(8:20pm)  
Huh. Maybe she… forgot?

(8:21pm)  
**Good one**

(8:22pm)  
Yeah, sounded stupid as soon as I hit send.

(8:23pm)  
**So you’re at the Alibi by yourself?**

(8:24pm)  
Yeah, but Nat should show up soon. Plus Bucky’s coming.

(8:24pm)  
I mean James.

(8:25pm)  
**She got Barnes to agree to leave the bat cave? That woman is impressive.**

(8:29pm)  
He just walked in.

(8:31pm)  
**Say hi for me.**

(8:34pm)  
He left.

(8:35pm)  
**What?**

(8:36pm)  
**He walked in and… what? Turned around and walked out?**

(8:38pm)  
Yeah.

(8:38pm)  
**What the hell.**

(8:40pm)  
I don’t think he knew I was going to be here.

(8:42pm)  
**I’m sure that’s not it.**

(8:43pm)  
It’s fine. I’m heading home. Have fun at the show.

(8:44pm)  
**Steve**

(8:45pm)  
Sam, please. I'm going home. 

+++

_-ring ring-_

“Hello?”

“What the hell, Natasha.”

“So I take it you’re not having barrels of fun.”

“Why was he there?”

“Because I invited him.”

“Why didn’t _I_ know he’d be there?”

“Because then you wouldn’t show.”

“And there’s a fucking reason for that!”

“You said you wanted to spend time with him again—”

“I did _not_ —”

“So I arranged for you to spend time with him again. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is that I’m not a puppet you can trick into doing what it is you want or what you think it is I want or—”

“So you didn’t want to spend time with him?”

“No, as a matter of fact.”

“Bull.”

“Just because you say it’s bullshit doesn’t mean you’re right, Natasha.”

“Of course that’s what it means.”

“Argh! You are so damn frustrating—”

“So you saw him and left him there? Really classy, James.”

“Of course I fucking left him there, I’m not going to spend time alone with him, damn it.”

“And why not?”

“Because I don’t trust myself around him!”

_-silence-_

“James…”

“I’m going to catch a subway. Bye.”

_-click-_

+++

 **FROM: jsimmons@us.shield.mil**  
**TO: james.buchanan@us.shield.mil**  
**CC: mhill@us.shield.mil**  
**SUBJECT: Follow up**

Hello James,

As promised, here are the results of the blood work and brain scans from last week’s appointment. As you can see, all your blood work is consistent with what we’ve seen for the last few months, and the MRI and DTI are both showing healthy results, with minimal atrophy and myelin degeneration. All of these are good signs!

As Dr. Kinross stated last week, we will continue PT on a biweekly basis unless you would like to reconsider the possibility of acquiring a prosthetic. From what I understand, Mr. Stark has developed several options that you are welcome to examine, all of which have been approved by SHIELD’s prosthetist Dr. Hussain. If you’d like, I can also arrange for Dr. Hussain to be present for our appointment next month so that you can ask her any questions you may have directly.

Looking forward to your response,

Jemma

—

 **FROM: james.buchanan@us.shield.mil**  
**TO: jsimmons@us.shield.mil**  
**CC: mhill@us.shield.mil**  
**SUBJECT: Re: Follow up**

Jemma,

I’m not interested in a prosthetic at this time.

See you on the 14th.

James

 

+++

_You have one unheard message. First message:_

“Hello Steven. This is Dr. Erskine once again. I received your message about rescheduling our upcoming appointment. While I’m certainly able to accommodate, I would also like to gently remind you that this is the fourteenth time in two months that you have rescheduled a therapy session with me. Of course, I’m happy to proceed with you at your own pace, but in my professional opinion these appointments will likely be of more use to you if you can make time to attend them. I will pencil you in for March 16th, as requested. Take care. “

-BEEP-

_Message deleted. End of messages._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the lovely initial response! As always, your comments and kudos are the kind of stuff I live for tbh. Let me know what you loved/hated about the chapter! Anything you'd like to see in this format? Anything you'd like to see fleshed out into a fuller prose? I'm open to everything and anything. 
> 
> I'll be wicked busy this weekend, so I threw up this chapter a little bit before Sunday, but likely the next chapter won't be coming at you until next Sunday - just a heads up!
> 
> Also, can we talk about how perfect the lyrics for Paul Newman vs. The Demons are? Seriously though. 
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://sleepingintheculdesac.tumblr.com/) if you are so inclined!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Wouldn't it be fine to stand behind  
> The words we say in the best of times  
> Oh, and you and I know all too well  
> About the hell and paradise right here on earth  
> The Avett Brothers, [Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWgmtmIiomI)  
> 

_Then:_  
_February 27, 2011, 9:10pm_  
_This is Steve Rogers. I’m unable to take your call. Please forward any press related queries to Office of the Chief of Public Affairs. Unfortunately I’m unable to comment on anything regarding any military operations - including the 107th Unit, the Red Skull, or Hydra - at this time. Thank you for your understanding. -BEEP-_

Hell, Rogers, your voicemail got boring. Guess that’s what happens when you go all ‘American-hero’ on us…

I was thinking, since we’re both grounded for the foreseeable future, you and I should hit up the old sites. Coney Island. The place with the good waffles. Central Park. Be tourists in our home town for a day. Lord knows we’ve earned it.

I know I’ve already said it, but I wanna say it again, when I know you’re conked out from jet lag and can’t interrupt me. I’m sorry I doubted you. Thank you for saving my sorry ass. You and are partners - I should’ve been okay with that from the beginning. Course, now that you’re leading high stakes military operations doesn’t mean you get to be a punk and throw yourself into dangerous situations. At least, not without me there.

We’ll hash out the game plan over bagels. The kinds that taste a little bit like cardboard. Only the best for you, Captain.

+++

_Now:_

_“Captain America is under fire yet again, and this time, on home soil. Recent efforts to legitimize the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division — or SHIELD — as a trustworthy organization have once again backfired in yet another disastrous press conference with decorated Captain Steven Grant Rogers. Fox News has the full report—”_

-click-

_“Captain Rogers is a great soldier and strategist, and his intimate knowledge of modern day warfare and intelligence should not be dismissed, but the fact of the matter is, this man is simply too earnest and too naive to be SHIELD’s front man—”_

-click-

_“When asked what his response was to the submitted 2017 budget, which proposes significant cuts to military funding, Captain Rogers stated, quote ‘The military needs to prove that it has earned that kind of investment before it can reasonably ask for it,’ end-quote. Yet another flippant response from the so-called Face of SHIELD if you ask me—”_

-click-

_“How honest is too honest? Steve Rogers tells us that the military was compromised by a neo-Nazi organization, that’s not honest enough. Steve Rogers tells us that in the last decade increased military funding has come at the expense of cutting funding to help returning recovering soldiers and we say, no, still not honest enough. But when Steve Rogers stands up in front of the press every month and says that its time to examine what the American Military is for and what it represents to the world, suddenly he’s too honest. Look, people, Steve Rogers has been saying the exact same thing from day one. It’s not his fault that you haven’t been listening.”_

-static-

+++

 **FROM:** mhill@us.shield.mil  
**TO:** xLL43921nd@trvbm.com  
**SUBJECT:** Any suggestions?

You’ve got the best intel on Rogers. He won’t take cue cards. He doesn’t take earpiece direction. Every time I put him in front of the microphone he’s like a rogue cannon going off in whatever direction seems likely to cause the most damage. Coulson wanted Rogers to help improve our image, if you can believe that. Any ideas on getting him to cooperate?

—

 **FROM:** h42490@trvbm.com  
**TO:** mhill@us.shield.mil  
**SUBJECT:** RE: FW: Any Suggestions?

He’s a soldier, not a spokesperson. More to the point, he’s a human being, not a puppet. After everything he’s done, you can’t expect him not to have opinions, and the opinions he does have won’t always fall in line with SHIELD’s goals. How you even got him to agree to do these monthly press sessions is beyond me.

—

 **FROM:** mhill@us.shield.mil  
**TO:** 6yzLhn@trvbm.com  
**SUBJECT:** RE: RE: FW: Any suggestions?

Before the first press conference, he was all nerves. I told him to be himself. Am I a bad person if I regret that particular directorial note?

—  
**FROM:** erFJlK34@trvbm.com  
**TO:** mhill@us.shield.mil  
**SUBJECT:** RE: FW: RE: RE: FW: Any suggestions?

Yeah, Maria. You kind of are.

+++

April 5, 2017 // **Sam Wilson**  
(8:03am)  
**I just ran into a really good friend of mine from the VA.**

(8:05am)  
**Says he knows you.**

Steve Rogers  
(8:09am)  
Everyone knows me

(8:11am)  
**That’s a little presumptuous Rogers**

(8:13am)  
**Just because your face has been plastered on the television for the last week doesn’t mean everyone knows you.**

(8:14am)  
**There are probably five people in the United States of America that don’t know you.**

(8:15am)  
So you met someone that knows me?

(8:16am)  
**Sure did pal.**

(8:18am)  
**Said he’s been having a lot of trouble getting a hold of you. I told him you were more of a voicemail kinda guy.**

(8:20am)  
**And then - here’s the funny thing - he said he’s left you something like 36 voicemails. I thought he was joking, but he’s German, and according to him “Germans don’t joke”**

(8:20am)  
Oh.

(8:21am)  
**Yeah, buddy. Oh is right.**

(8:23am)  
Isn’t it against some sort of doctor-patient confidentiality for Dr. Erskine to talk to you about me?

(8:24am)  
**You have to actually be in the office with him for more than 5 minutes for you to count as his patient, Steve.**

(8:26am)  
**I’m not here to rag on you. I’m not your caretaker.**

(8:28am)  
You sure about that?

(8:29am)  
**I am a little ticked off that you felt like you needed to lie to me.**

(8:30am)  
**You said you’d been seeing someone for months - that things were going good for you.**

(8:33am)  
Things are fine. SHIELD has me out of the country for weeks at a time. Scheduling is a little difficult.

(8:35am)  
**Abraham is a SHIELD psychologist, Steve. I think he of all people gets that your schedule is a little unconventional.**

(8:36am)  
I get by.

(8:38am)  
**You know that’s not the point, right? Life’s about more than getting by.**

(8:42am)  
I’m going for a run.

(8:44am)  
**Steve, it’s quarter to nine. I’ve been your friend for five years. Don’t you think I know you’ve already been for a run?**

(8:45am)  
Run number two

(8:46am)  
**Alright, Steve, whatever you say.**

+++

 **Sam Wilson**  
(8:50am)  
**Help me trick Steve into talking to James**

 **1 (317) 985-3245**  
(8:51am)  
No

(8:54am)  
**No fair, you got to trick Barnes last time.**

(8:56am)  
And I got an earful for it afterwards from both Barnes and Rogers. I don’t like being yelled at.

(8:59am)  
**Pleaaaase? It’ll be worth it**

(9:03am)  
It’ll be awful. And Steve would be upset. And James would be upset. And I would be upset. And you would be upset.

(9:05am)  
**We never do anything fun anymore**

(9:10am)  
I have been a terrible influence on you.

(9:11am)  
**This is for his own good.**

(9:13am)  
You are desperate for drama, Wilson

(9:15am)  
**He’s been really off for months now, and it’s getting worse.**

(9:16am)  
**I’m just worried about him, that’s all.**

(9:19am)  
**You know he misses Barnes**

(9:24am)  
**But I guess… If Barnes doesn’t want to spend time with Steve anymore?**

(9:26am)  
That’s not it.

(9:27am)  
**Okay then, see? This is obviously a much needed intervention.**

(9:38am)  
Fine. One more time, and then we’re done. They need to start acting like the damn grownups they claim to be.

(9:40am)  
**!!! yay**

(9:41am)  
**I owe you one.**

(9:43am)  
You owe me twelve.

+++

 **+7 947 837 2938**  
(10:04am)  
Do you need a ride to SHIELD medical for your physical today?

 **James Barnes**  
(10:05am)  
_It’s fine_

(10:07am)  
I have to drop in to Stark Industries today anyway - it’s not like you’re out of my way

(10:10am)  
_Alright_

(10:13am)  
_Thank you_

(10:15am)  
Look at you, using your words. Does Miss Manners know about you?

(10:16am)  
_You’re the worst_

(10:17am)  
But you love me anyway.

+++

_You have one unheard message. First message:_

“Rogers, this is Agent Hill. I know this is last minute, but we need you to come in to SHIELD Medical get some paperwork filled out before we send you out next week. I’m sending a car to come and get you around 11. And as much as I really enjoy these lovely chats with your voicemail, please do try and pick up the phone every now and then.”

_Message deleted. End of messages._

+++

_-ring ring-_

“Oh, Beirut, so nice to hear from you this time of year - how’re the cedars?”

“Tony.”

“Natasha Romanov! What a surprise. Can I ask how the hell you programmed your phone to generate a new international number every damn time you use it? I mean, I know how _I_ would’ve done it, but I’m curious to see if we’re on the same wavelength.”

“Are you still bugged in to SHIELD’s security cameras?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Off the record.”

“Which record?”

“ _Tony._ ”

“Doesn’t SHIELD give you the necessary means to invade peoples’ privacy without you constantly having to borrow my toys? I’m very possessive. Only child syndrome, you know how it is—”

“Rogers and Barnes are going to have a chance run in in twenty minutes and Sam and I want to eavesdrop.”

“Oh… well in that case — Jarvis, get some popcorn please? Where are they at?”

“SHIELD Medical - third floor lobby.”

“Damn, I only have audio on the third floor - no matter, I’ll see what I can do… butter on your popcorn?”

-muffled- “Sam says he wants M&Ms.”

“Wow, it’s just take take take with you SHIELD folks, isn’t it?”

“Bye Tony.”

“Right, hanging up now. See you in ten.”

_-click-_

+++

 **[audio recording - 2017.04.05 - 11:24]**  
**[SHIELD Medical - Third Floor Lobby]**

“Bu— James. What’re you—”

“I have a - you know, for my—”

“Right, for your arm, of course. I forgot—”

“You couldn’t have known — what’re you…?”

“Oh, paperwork.” [rustling] “Getting sent out next week, need to make sure everything’s in check.”

“Oh… is it?”

“…Yeah Bu- James. Sorry, James, yeah. Everything’s just fine with me.”

[silence]

“Are you gonna sit?”

“Right, I guess I should.” [shuffling, sound of chair legs against the floor].

[silence]

“They’re sending you out a lot?”

“Yeah… always somewhere to be… I like the traveling more than I like the press stuff.”

“They’re not fair— the press, I mean.”

“Oh, you’ve seen—?”

“Just, I mean, that last one. I saw it.”

“Yeah?”

“They’re stupid, trying to bait you into giving an answer they won’t like, and then getting mad at you for doing exactly what they wanted you to do… it’s useless propaganda.”

“I think so too.”

“…you handle it well though. I couldn’t do it.”

“Sure you could. And… I’m not really handling it that well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just… it’s draining. Being on the spot like that. And I don’t think SHIELD always likes how I answer.”

“Fuck SHIELD.”

[disbelieving laugh] “Bucky!”

“Well it’s true. If they’re making you do all that shit, they don’t get to be upset with how you do it.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Just believable enough, pal.”

[small laugh] “I guess you are.”

[pause] “You called me Bucky.”

“Oh, crap, I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s okay. I mean… I don’t mind.”

“Oh… when you first got back, it seemed like you didn’t like when I called you that.”

“I didn’t like a lot of things when I got back. I was… I mean, I still am. Angry. About things.”

“You have every right to be angry Buck.”

“But that name — my name, I mean. That’s doesn’t make me angry.”

“Okay. You’re right, I should’ve asked, I just assumed you preferred James—”

“It’s okay. You were trying… It’s okay.”

[silence]

“How’re the appointments going?”

[pause] “Um, I think they’re going to start slowing them down a lot more. Maybe every couple months. Not much to do unless…”

“…Unless?”

“Unless I get a prosthetic.”

“Oh.” [pause] “I meant to say, I’m sorry, back in February, when I brought it up — I just… I didn’t mean to make it out like you had to have one, or you should get one.”

“Like I said, I’m still…working out a lot of stuff. But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Still. I am sorry.”

“Thanks Steve.”

“…That’s good, though, I guess? Less doctors is usually a good thing.”

[pause] “I think I might… I might get one.”

“Yeah?”

“I think… I was afraid that getting one would mean that… that I owed them.”

“Owed who?”

“SHIELD. You know. The army.” [pause] “I don’t want to go back out.”

“Oh, Buck—”

“But I was talking to Dr. Erskine and he helped me unpack it…” [laughs] “Never thought I’d ever be happy that they made me see a psych, but, there you have it.”

“…Yeah. Dr. Erskine’s a good man.”

“Oh that’s right — weren’t you also seeing him?”

“…Not exactly.”

“Oh, I thought Natasha mentioned SHIELD was having you… my mistake.”

“No, I mean… I think SHIELD wants me to go. I just… haven’t been. Going.”

[groans] “Of course you’re not.”

“I’ve been busy—”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m fine, I don’t need anything like that—”

“Hell, Steve, that kind of help isn’t just for people that lost their arms overseas.”

“I know—”

“You said yourself, it’s been draining. Anyone can see it.”

“But I can handle it.”

“Of course you _can_ , but it doesn’t mean you _should_.”

“You sound like Sam.”

“Well Sam’s pretty smart.”

[heavy sigh] “I know.”

“It’s pretty typical, you know, for you.”

[scoff] “What do you mean?”

“You’re always looking for a fight. I can’t believe I was ever mad that you enlisted. You’re a soldier through and through.”

“I’m not _always—_ ”

“You are though. And I don’t think you know how to turn it off.”

“That so?”

“Picking fights with SHIELD, with the press, with the capitalist discourse of the military…”

“Sometimes I forget you have a Masters degree, and then you throw out words like ‘capitalist discourse’ and it all comes flooding back.”

“And now you’re hell bent on fighting yourself too. Every step of the way. Don’t think you’re doing a good enough job unless you feel like you’re constantly on an uphill battle, that it?”

“Got me all figured out, do you?”

“You gotta stop fighting yourself Steve.”

[pause] “I’ll think about it.”

“You do that.” [pause] “Also… I've been meaning to... apologize.”

“You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“That night when I just… I left you at the bar. I know you saw me—”

[shuffling] “It’s okay, I get it. Natasha explained it, sort of.”

“I just wasn’t expecting you to be there.”

“That’s totally fair, Buck, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I do though. It wasn’t fair at all. I should’ve said something.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

[silence]

“I’m still sorry.”

“Okay Bucky. I forgive you.”

[silence]

[interjecting voice] “Dr. Simmons is ready for you, James.”

[shuffling] “Right… that’s me.”

“Good luck.”

“Yeah… you too.”

+++

_You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Abraham Erskine, SHIELD psychologist. I am unable to take your call. If this is an emergency, please dial the 24 hour support line at (212) 560-4298. Otherwise, please leave me a detailed message, and I will return your call the next time I am in the office. I can also be reached at any time by e-mail at aerskine@us.shield.mil. Thank you. -BEEP-_

“Hello Dr. Erskine, this is Steve Rogers. I apologize that I’ve been… difficult to get a hold of lately. I was wondering when your next available appointment is. I can be available anytime on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. I look forward to your call. Thank you.”

_-click-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly delayed, but dialogue packed chapter 3! Could this mean that all is well with our beloved Brooklyn boys? IS THERE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL? NOTHING BUT RAINBOWS FROM HERE ON OUT?
> 
> Not exactly, I'm afraid. But they're getting there! Slowly and surely and all that jazz. 
> 
> Let me know if you had any issues following along for that last scene in particular - I tried to keep the lines of dialogue alternating, but if there were any fumbles or if anything was unclear, I'd love to hear it!
> 
> Thank you again for all your comments! If you'd like you can also drop me a line on my [tumblr](http://sleepingintheculdesac.tumblr.com/) which is about as much as a mess of a blog as I am a mess of a human being, but hey, I'm proud of it!
> 
> See you babes very soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  I was right so I walked away.  
> And left you there alone,  
> I got so tired of talking on the telephone.  
> How many times would we say the words “Goodbye”?  
> \- The Avett Brothers, [Pretty Girl from Michigan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8-GEmPLhNM)  
> 

_Then:_  
_November 4, 2013, 4:59pm_  
_You’ve got Barnes. I’m out of the country, or on my way to being out of the country, or returning from a long excursion out of the country. Either way, a message is probably your best bet._ -BEEP-

Hey Buck. I know I only just waved to you at the gate, but I just wanted to remind you to stay safe. I mean it. I don’t think I could stand for you to come back with your face any uglier than it already is.

It still feels weird, you going without me to watch your back. I know you’ll all take good care of each other, but I’m not gonna lie - there’s still a feeling in my gut like I should be flying out with you… ah, forget it. I’m being an emotional wreck. Nothing a punching bag won’t fix.

Anyway Buck, you know the drill. You need me there, just say the word. I’ll always find a way to be a sap when the situation calls for it and come flying in after you.

Okay, I’m gonna stop talking. Call me when you land. Talk soon. Bye.”

+++

_Now:_

**Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 2h  
Cap’s on for what’s sure to be ANOTHER gold mine of a press conference, so I’m doing my civic duty and live-tweeting the whole thing

Captain Sass retweeted  
**The Original Grumpy Cat** @tooyoungtobebitter • 2h  
@shitcapsays Thanks for providing the ammo I will use to ruin every family reunion with my conservative relatives. You’re a gift to mankind

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 2h  
Notice Agent Hill is not making an appearance at this one - have Cap’s socialist antics driven her to early retirement? We may never know

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 2h  
For those that are new to this game, he spends the first bit talking about SHIELD initiatives, followed by questions (aka the fun begins)

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 1h  
And he takes the stage. Is it me or are the members of the press less enthused to see him every time?

Captain Sass retweeted  
**too hot** @hotdamn • 1h  
@shitcapsays The applause-o-meter is definitely drooping

Captain Sass retweeted  
**Cap Attack** @marrymesteve • 1h  
Taking bets on how long it takes for Cap to say something controversial. 4 minutes anyone?

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 1h  
Well that took almost no time at all: “SHIELD is not perfect, and neither is the US Military.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 1h  
“We’re self-proclaimed anti-terrorist, but our methods are sometimes questionable.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 1h  
Fox News ALREADY has an article out - incredible

Captain Sass retweeted  
**Fox News** @FoxNews • 1h  
Captain Rogers Says US Military is Terrorist  fxn.ws/5t8duLn

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 58m  
“Maybe the reason you find my statements uncomfortable  @NBCNews is because they’re true”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 53m  
“You keep calling me Captain America, but which America am I supposed to symbolize, exactly?”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 46m  
“There’s nothing patriotic - nothing American - about corruption or cover-ups.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 42m  
“When people die because of our refusal to deal with gun control, that’s on us.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 36m  
Reporter: “Guns don’t kill people.” Cap: “You’re right, they don’t. Systems do.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 31m  
ohmigod someone asked about the commandos. baaaad form dude

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 25m  
“HYDRA didn’t kill the Commandos. Afghanistan didn’t kill the Commandos. The US Military did.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 22m  
“How many people had to ignore what was happening right in front of them in order for HYDRA to fester for almost seventy years?”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 19m  
“70 years since World War 2 and I’m still fighting guys with swastikas, some of them had been working for the US Military for years.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 16m  
“You keep bringing up the death of five of my closest friends because you want to get a rise out of me. They were killed almost 3 yrs ago”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 13m  
“This is the seventh time I’ve been asked this question. How is that responsible media? I’m more human than I am some kind of symbol.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 10m  
“The same questions, every month. Why are you so sure my answer is going to change?”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 5m  
“When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself down  & tell the whole world, No, you move.”

 **Captain Sass** @shitcapsays • 2m  
Reporter: “What is it you want to gain from these press meetings?” Cap: “Honestly, I just want to sleep.” #capnap

+++

Thursday - June 8, 2017 // **Sam Wilson**  
(6:03pm)  
**What the hell is he doing.**

 **James Barnes**  
(6:08pm)  
_Something stupid_

(6:10pm)  
**I should probably turn it off, but I can’t look away**

(6:12pm)  
_You and the rest of America_

(6:15pm)  
**I don’t know whether to be horrified or impressed**

(6:18pm)  
_Be annoyed._

(6:19pm)  
**Oh yeah, why?**

(6:23pm)  
_Because somebody’s going to decide enough is enough and try and assassinate him or some shit._

(6:24pm)  
**C’mon, it’s not like he’s JFK**

(6:29pm)  
_No, it’s much worse than that. He’s Captain America._

(6:31pm)  
**I think the press broke Steve’s filter.**

(6:34pm)  
_#CapNap is trending on twitter_

(6:35pm)  
**What a world.**

+++

[SHIELD INC - Instant Network Communications]

 **OverTheHill:**  Surprised to see you online. Late day at the office?

 **WidowsBite:** Right back atcha. Too bogged down with paperwork to babysit Rogers?

 **OverTheHill:** That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 **WidowsBite:** You’re watching it though, right?

 **OverTheHill:** Yeah, the CNN coverage. What about you?

 **WidowsBite:** Fox. The commentary is priceless.

 **OverTheHill:** It’s much more entertaining to watch when I’m not in the line of fire.

 **WidowsBite:** Did Bobbi volunteer to moderate or was she volun-told?

 **OverTheHill:** A bit of both - I think she wanted to see the train wreck first hand.

 **WidowsBite:** Understandable.

 **OverTheHill:** He seems angrier than usual today.

 **WidowsBite:** Really? I think he’s enjoying himself.

 **OverTheHill:** We should probably fire him from front-man duties.

 **WidowsBite:** Probably. He might quit first.

 **WidowsBite:** Maybe he’ll quit on live television!

 **OverTheHill:** Oh god don’t joke.

 **WidowsBite:** Relax Maria, just kick back and enjoy the show. As long as he doesn’t drop as state secrets we’re fine.

 **OverTheHill:** asdkjghsdg

+++

 

> “Your question is inherently discriminatory, so yeah, I’m going to fight you. You wanna know why? Because I’ve fought beside people from Syria, from Egypt, from Turkey, from Lebanon, from Afghanistan. Because those people were good, decent people, and because those people made painful sacrifices to save their countries, and to save this one. And for you, as someone who has benefitted from those sacrifices, to now turn around and be proudly complicit in the kind of American-centric, islamophobic fear industry that’s not only hurt people, but actively killed people? Yeah, I’m going to fight you. I feel like it’d be impolite not to.”
> 
> _\- Captain Steve Rogers, when asked if increased collaboration with Middle Eastern countries could post a threat to National Security_

omg this man. this beautiful man. (via fuckthebugle)

Captain America is done with your racist xenophobic bullshit (via ayeayecaptain)

THIS WARRANTS A URL CHANGE (via imgonnafightyou)

okay please don’t hate me tumblr, but I thought it was a fair question. (via skeletonsoldier)

ughhhhhhhhh. (via whyioughta)

this kind of question speaks to a really deep-set structural racism in North America, where we use the examples of a few people from an incredibly large population to justify being suspicious towards that population. The military reinforces that racism by bringing entire armies into Middle Eastern countries, claiming to be ‘fixing’ those countries, and at the same time framing those countries as an ‘enemy,’ without acknowledging the complexity of the issue. For a decorated war soldier to call out islamophobia on a national network is absolutely incredible. (via rogerthat)

I can’t believe they keep letting him back on television. (via stopdropandroll)

I’m sorry, but this is ridiculous. He’s a soldier, not a politician. What’s with all of this leftist propaganda? What kind of American soldier hates on his own country? (via killitinfire)

The kind that [does](http://www.islamophobiatoday.com/2010/11/21/muslim-soldiers-allege-discrimination-in-u-s-military/) [his](http://quod.lib.umich.edu/j/jmmh/10381607.0007.101/--attitudes-toward-muslim-americans-post-911?rgn=main;view=fulltext) [fucking](http://mic.com/articles/113310/why-the-u-s-army-doesn-t-need-racial-thursdays-a-special-day-for-racism) [research](https://www.middlebury.edu/media/view/361902/original/bleich_2011_abs_dec_islamophobia.pdf). (via fuckyeahradicalcap)

Steve Rogers isn’t trying to win your vote. He’s trying to protect our country. And he realizes that the only way to do that is to draw attention to how we - as a country - have been self-sabotaging; by maintaining our “American-centric” prejudice we’re only doing harm to ourselves. The fact that he is a soldier, and not a politician, for me makes all the difference. (via iamironman)

reblog for a+ commentary. (via turndownforcap)

Since when does Cap say shit like “American-centric islamophobic fear industry” anyway? (via dontsitundertheappletree)

Since he read [James Barnes’ Masters thesis](http://i.imgur.com/LH718ZM.png). (via howlingcommandos)

+++

June 11, 2017 // **James Barnes**  
(2:22pm)  
_Does Steve still have a membership at the MoMA?_

 **Sam Wilson**  
(2:45pm)  
**Oh shit I have no idea**

(2:47pm)  
**I can find out for you hold up**

(2:48pm)  
_You don’t have to do that_

(2:54pm)  
**It expired in January.**

(2:59pm)  
**Aw, it’s no big deal. I just said Sharon wanted to know if he’d seen the most recent exhibit. Steve’s a talker. You know how it is.**

(3:01pm)  
_Thanks Sam._

(3:05pm)  
**Why the interest?**

(3:07pm)  
_There’s an exhibit on Irish Art coming in July_

(3:09pm)  
**….annnnd?**

(3:13pm)  
_And his birthday is also in July_

(3:17pm)  
**Smooth, Barnes.**

(3:19pm)  
_Shut up_

(3:24pm)  
**I’m happy you two worked things out**

(3:28pm)  
_I think things are still… under construction._

(3:28pm)  
_But they’re better than they were._

(3:30pm)  
**I’ll say.**

(3:32pm)  
**But a fancy art museum birthday gift? That’s gotta say something.**

(3:35pm)  
_Does it say, I have pictures of your dolls and I’m not afraid to use them?_

(3:36pm)  
**SHARON HAS ALREADY SEEN MY ACTION FIGURES**

(3:39pm)  
_:)_

+++

 **FROM:** ironmanrules@starkindustries.com  
**TO:** james.buchanan@us.shield.mil  
**SUBJECT:** Specs

[Attached: IMG_345.PNG, IMG_346.PNG, IMG_347.PNG]

Sarg,  
The first two are definitely more prototype-esque than the third, but I think the technology in the first two is a lot more adaptable. The initial surgery to connect whichever one you end up going with will have a bit of a long recovery time because the neural pathways that used to control your arm have probably already been rerouted. Still, there’s a lot we can do to make sure it’s not painful - just annoying.

If you want any of these specs explained in more detail let me know.

-TS

—

 **FROM:** james.buchanan@us.shield.mil  
**TO:** ironmanrules@starkindustries.com  
**SUBJECT:** RE: Specs

Why is everything you make for me bright red and shiny?

—

 **FROM:** ironmanrules@starkindustries.com  
**TO:** james.buchanan@us.shield.mil  
**SUBJECT:** RE: re: Specs

The colour is non-negotiable

—

 **FROM:** james.buchanan@us.shield.mil  
**TO:** ironmanrules@starkindustries.com  
**SUBJECT:** RE: re: re: Specs

I’m firing you.

—

 **FROM:**  ironmanrules@starkindustries.com  
 **TO:**  james.buchanan@us.shield.mil  
 **SUBJECT:**  RE: re: re: re: Specs

Sticks and stones, Sarg.

+++

 **+92 992 470 5872**  
(4:04pm)  
Wanna spar with me in a couple hours?

(4:09pm)  
_I can’t._

(4:14pm)  
Why not?

(4:17pm)  
_Plans_

(4:17pm)  
What plans?

(4:18pm)  
_Plans that don’t concern you._

(4:21pm)  
Plans that concern who?

(4:25pm)  
_You already know what I’m doing tonight don’t you._

(4:29pm)  
It’s still fun to make you say it.

(4:32pm)  
_I’m meeting up with Steve. Happy?_

(4:38pm)  
Extremely.

(4:42pm)  
_You’re incorrigible you know._

(4:45pm)  
He’s pretty excited. It’s kind of cute.

(4:46pm)  
_How would you know that?_

(4:49pm)  
[Attached IMG_934]

(4:43pm)  
_Why are you at Steve’s? Why is Steve shirtless?_

(4:45pm)  
Why? Are you jealous?

(4:48pm)  
I had to pick up some of his SHIELD gear.

(4:50pm)  
[Attached IMG_935]

(4:51pm)  
[Attached IMG_936]

(4:51pm)  
[Attached IMG_937]

(4:53pm)  
_This feels like an invasion of privacy._

(4:54pm)  
_How long does it take for a man to put on a shirt?_

(4:56pm)  
You’re welcome

+++

 **Steve Rogers**  
(4:58pm)  
[Attached IMG_145]

(5:04pm)  
Oh my god Bucky I am so sorry, Nat stole my phone

 **James Barnes**  
(5:06pm)  
_That’s okay, I sort of figured it was her_

(5:09pm)  
We’re still good for seven?

(5:10pm)  
_Yep._

(5:12pm)  
Great. I’m going to put my phone away before Natasha gets anymore ideas.

(5:15pm)  
_The out of sight out of mind approach has never really worked with Nat, but good luck._

+++

_You have one unheard message. First message:_

[muffled] “…going for a walk around Brooklyn …grab a bite after…”

“…sounds like a date to me, Rogers…in on the loop?”

“…matchmaker agenda. …just dinner… not like that.”

_End of message._

_To delete this message press 7. To save it, press 9._

-BEEP-

_Message deleted. No messages._

+++

 **James Barnes**  
(6:03pm)  
_Rogers, I think you’re butt-dialing me_

(6:05pm)  
_Stop sitting on your phone. It deserves better._

+++

_You have one unheard message. First message:_

[muffled] “…basically a shell of the person…used to be….”

“Steve, you’re not being fair….”

“…getting angry at every little thing Natasha …Can barely hold it together for a day.”

“You know it’s going to take time. …not a quick fix.”

“It’s been months and it feels like nothing is getting better … can’t expect anyone to wait that long…”

“James cares about you… cut him some slack.”

“…I don’t know what he wants from me. Sometimes I think he could… it doesn’t matter what…”

“…in love with him for as long as I’ve known you.”

“I need to get over him…angry, volatile, can’t process emotion like a normal human being… who could ever love something like that?”

“Steve—”

_End of message._

_To delete this message, press 7. To save it, press 9._

-BEEP-

_Messsage will be saved for five days. End of messages._

+++

_-ring ring-_

“Hey, I was just about to leave—”

“So what, you think I’m— what? Too fragile? Too emotionally stunted? What?”

“Bucky, wh—what?”

“I heard what you said to Nat about me. Do you know how fucking hard it is to actually pocket call someone in this century? And yet genius fucking Rogers here manages to call just the wrong person every goddamn time.”

“No, no, Buck, you misunderstood—”

“You keep doing this Steve! You keep assuming you know me so goddamn well, but you don’t know fuck all, do you?!”

“I’m doing my best, okay? That voicemail was taken completely out of context.”

“Of _course_ it was. No wonder you never pick up the phone, seeing how much fucking damage you cause every goddamn time you do.”

“Hey! That’s not fair.”

“No, what’s not fair is that fucking Hydra sawed off my arm, tortured me for months, made me into some kind of fucking shell of a fucking human being—”

“Bucky—”

“And even after all of that they made me sit and listen to you _-breath hitches-_ and all those goddamn voicemails—”

“What’re you—what’re you talking about?”

“Every fucking voicemail you left, crying, saying my fucking name, over and over again, Bucky, Bucky—”

“Bucky, stop it!”

“I THOUGHT THEY HAD YOU! I KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS SAVING YOUR LIFE.”

“You—you never said anything, I didn’t—”

“But it turns out, you were alright the entire time, right? You were here, in New York, getting over me. It was all for nothing, wasn’t it? _Nothing._ ”

“I didn’t know, Bucky! I didn’t know.”

“I avoided you because I was afraid some _—sharp inhale—_ Hydra programming would kick in, and I’d kill you. I didn’t want a Stark Prosthetic because the easier it is for someone to take me out, the better.”

“No, this isn’t— I’m not—”

“But none of that matters to you, because how could you ever love something like that, right?”

“I wasn’t talking about _you,_ Bucky—”

“Goodbye, Steve.”

“No, don’t hang up the—”

_-click-_

+++

_You have five unheard messages. First new message:_

“Bucky, none of that stuff was about you, okay? You’ve got this all wrong. Please call me back when you get this. Bye.”

_End of message._

_To delete this message, press—_

-BEEP-

_Message deleted. Next message:_

“Bucky, please. _Please_ hear me out. Just call—”

-BEEP-

_Message deleted. Next—_

-BEEP-

_To delete all messages, press 7 again—_

-BEEP-

_Message deleted. End of messages._

_Main menu. To change your personal options, press four. To exit, press star._

-BEEP-

_Thank you for calling. Goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW Okay:
> 
> FIRST OF ALL - I'm sorry for the angst. I felt particularly bad about it because so many of you seemed so hopeful from the last chapter and I basically just lulled you all into a false sense of security and then tore away the last shred of hope you had, so... yeah. REALLY sorry about that. Also the Avett Brothers lyrics were PARTICULARLY relevant in this chapter, as some of you may have noticed if you caught on to my evil plans... muahaha. (I swear I'm not this terrible in real life). 
> 
> When I first got the idea to write a fic in this style I really wanted to see how many different ways I could adapt the format, but I'm coming up to the end of the series and I realized I've only really tried a handful of different styles, so I decided to just shove a bunch of them at you at once. (FUN FACT: Most of the twitter 'press quotes' were adapted Captain America quotes from the 616 comics universe!) As per usual, if anything was at all unclear, please let me know in the comments!
> 
> As well, if you didn't notice, some of the links in the tumblr portion WERE clickable in this chapter for an extra added level of interactivity! If the links lead to any dead ends, give me a heads up in the comments and I'll fix 'em up. 
> 
> We are just ONE chapter away from the end! I'm already feeling nostalgic for this universe and I'm not even done with it yet - so if there's anything you would love to see more of, something fleshed out in full script, or even another moment in this format (maybe more from the Tumblr Cap fandom, hehe), please tell me all the things. 
> 
> Okay this is getting excessively long. If yelling at me in the comments doesn't do it for you, my [tumblr](http://sleepingintheculdesac.tumblr.com/) is always open for you and your feelings. 
> 
> Cheers dears!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found as I regained my feet, a wound across my memory  
> That no amount of stitches would repair  
> But I awoke and you were standing there  
> \- Avett Brothers, [February Seven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkVM4AxzxCE)

_Then:_

_December 4, 2014, 6:25am_  
_You’ve reached Steve Rogers. I can’t make it to the phone, but leave me your name and phone number, and I’ll call you back. Take care._

Morning sunshine — at least, I think it’s morning there? Spent five of the last eight years on the other side of the planet and I still suck at timezones.

Anyway, it looks like the plan is for us to head out sometime tomorrow - should be landing in New York in the evening on the 6th, if all goes according to plan. I’ll call you again once I have a better idea about the time — they’re being very paranoid about making any ‘official’ plans… I think the attack on the base from last month freaked out the higher ups. But don’t tell them I told you that.

I was just thinking… I might take a break from all of this, once I get back. Get my PhD, get another tattoo — I haven’t told any of the boys yet, but I think they all know, I’ve got no ideas about coming back here. The other day Dum Dum starting reminiscing about the good old days. Remember how Falsworth had us convinced for months that everyone in Britain shouts ‘Tallyho’ before firing a gun? Or how all those times we thought Dernier was swearing at us in French, he was actually quoting Celine Dion lyrics under his breath? And Jones - bless him - knew the whole time, but didn't say anything?

We’ve changed Rogers. And even though that’s a little terrifying to think about - if you think about it for long enough — what matters is that we changed together. Who would’ve thought I’d still be following a skinny little short stop from Brooklyn, all these years later?

Guess what I’m trying to say is — I’ve got no idea what the future holds, Steve, but I’m sure as hell glad you’re in it.

+++

_Now:_

_You’ve reached James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

“Bucky, I am so sorry. I hurt you, and I made it easier for other people to hurt you, and that’s on me, but I need you to talk to me just for a minute, please. Just let me explain where I’m coming from… Call me anytime. Really.” _—click—_

(…)

 _…James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

 “I didn’t… I didn’t know. That’s not an excuse but it’s the truth and I don’t know if knowing would’ve changed anything because I didn’t handle it well, when you were gone and I’m not really handling anything much better now but I’m trying, okay? I’m trying. Please call me back. Please.” _—click—_

(…)

 _…your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

“Surprise surprise, me again. I don’t even know if you’re listening to these, to be honest… I haven’t used the phone this much since… well, let’s just say it’s been about two and a half years… Give me a chance to explain everything, and then decide whether or not you want to go on hating me… I wouldn’t blame you, if you did. Okay. Call me.” _—click—_

(…)

-BEEP-

“Hey. It’s Steve. Again. Call me please. Bye.” _-click-_

(…) 

 _… Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

“Your voicemail is a damn liar, Barnes. It’s been five days and you sure as hell have not called me back. If you think I’m giving up, just know that I’ve done stupider things for longer. You would know, you’ve been there for most of them… I guess I’ll try you again later.” _-click-_

(…)

You’ve reached James Barnes— _-click-_

(…)

You’ve reached James Barnes— _-click-_

(…)

_-ring ring-_

“Hello? Bucky? Bu—”

-BEEP-

_We’re sorry. Your call has been disconnected. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again._

_-click-_

+++

_“Where in the world is Captain America? After an unprecedented press-filled year, Captain Steve Rogers was noticeably absent from this month’s scheduled press conference. CNN has also received word that next month’s press conference will likely be cancelled due to—”_

-click-

_“The whole point of these monthly SHIELD press sessions was to prove that they have nothing to hide. So what does it mean when their front man goes missing? Maybe they haven’t been as transparent as they claim to be—”_

-click-

_“Sounds like he’s gone running if you ask me. What did he expect? You can only bash your country for so long before people start realizing who the real enemy is around here—”_

-click-

_“I’m not happy that he’s pulling back from the press, but I get it. He’s hit the brick wall, you know? Captain America has told us all he could, has pushed the envelope back far enough for us to do the rest of the work. What’s the point of having him go up and say the same thing day and after day if we’re not going to show that we’ve been listening? Maybe if we can show that we’re working to build an America that he would be proud of, he’ll come back to say so himself._

_But I doubt it._

-static-

+++

June 23, 2017 // **1 (718) 851-6784**  
(10:34am)  
James, answer your phone or I’m breaking into your flat.

 **James Barnes**  
(10:46am)  
_Who is this?_

(10:49am)  
What do you mean, who is this?

(10:50am)  
Who else threatens to break into your flat?

(10:51am)  
_Your number’s different_

(10:53am)  
My number is always different.

(10:56am)  
_It’s a Brooklyn number._

(10:56am)  
So?

(11:12am)  
_So in the last ten years that I’ve known you, you’ve never texted me from a New York number._

(11:14am)  
What’s your point Barnes?

(11:15am)  
_How do I know it’s actually you?_

(11:16am)  
You haven’t picked up the phone in three days

(11:17am)  
Haven’t replied to a single text or voicemail

(11:18am)  
Didn’t even get up to answer the door yesterday when I came by

(11:20am)  
And now you want to have an extensive conversation with me about how my random number generator randomly generated a number from Brooklyn?

(11:21am)  
Do you think you’re being funny? Do you know how many people’s fingers I’ve broken for being half as annoying as you’re being right now?

(11:24am)  
_Okay, so it is you._

(11:25am)  
What the hell is your problem?

(11:27am)  
_No problem. Everything’s great._

(11:30am)  
Have you even listened to a single one of Steve’s voicemails?

(11:32am)  
You know there’s a perfectly logical explanation for what happened, don’t you?

(11:35am)  
Are you really so self-sabotaging that you’re going to ignore every single bit of evidence that proves how stupid you’re being?

(11:39am)  
_If you and your buddy Rogers think I’m so fucking stupid_

(11:40am)  
Don’t twist my words Barnes

(11:40am)  
_Then why don’t you just leave me to be stupid on my own_

(11:42am)  
Give me one good reason why you won’t give him a chance.

(11:45am)  
_I don’t WANT to_

(11:46am)  
_Does what I want matter to fucking anyone anymore?_

(11:49am)  
You don’t want to talk to Steve?

(11:50am)  
You don’t want to talk to the man you’ve known for your entire life?

(11:54am)  
_No_

(11:58am)  
And this is knowing that those things he said weren’t about you, right? You are actually aware of that?

(12:05pm)  
_Am I?_

(12:07pm)  
James Buchanan Barnes

(12:09pm)  
_Well then, who the fuck was he talking about?_

(12:10pm)  
_The tooth fairy? I hear she’s got emotional processing issues a mile long._

(12:13pm)  
He was talking about himself.

(12:17pm)  
_Right._

(12:19pm)  
If this ridiculous argument is seriously coming down to you being too stubborn to actually listen to Steve’s messages

(12:21pm)  
And Steve being too stubborn to actually tell you how he feels

(12:22pm)  
Then I’m done wasting my time with both you

(12:24pm)  
_Good._

(12:24pm)  
James, I care about you. But you’re being a pretty shit friend.

(12:25pm)  
And I’m not just talking about Steve.

(12:28pm)  
_Then take a hint and leave me alone._

(12:32pm)  
You can only keep pushing people away for so long. Eventually they’re going to stop coming back.

+++

 _You’ve reached James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

So it’s been a couple weeks. I don’t know if I’m supposed to get a hint at this point. But in case you… I don’t know. Haven’t been getting my messages, or something, let me lay it out for you here.

I’ve been depressed for a really long time Buck. And I wish I could say it started when you were taken, but the truth is that I’ve been dealing with it for a lot longer than that, and that now I’m finally waking up to the truth of just how… -swallows- just how messed up things are. With me, I mean.

When you left things were… we were in a different place. You and I. And I guess part of me hoped, when you came back, that we could find a way to that place again. And it wasn’t fair of me to push that on you. And then you told me about… about those first voicemails…

You’ve been more than fair to me. I just… want a chance to apologize. You don’t need to forgive me. And I know that asking for you to hear me out is selfish, because you don’t owe me anything, but if you could please just, call me. Okay. Bye.

_-click-_

+++

June 25, 2017 // **Sam Wilson**  
(1:03pm)  
**It’s time**

(1:05pm)  
**Time to bring back the very foundation of our friendship**

(1:06pm)  
**Mediocre-sushi**

(1:06pm)  
**A 4000-calorie a day diet**

(1:07pm)  
**What day is it?**

 **Steve Rogers**  
(1:10pm)  
All you can eat sushi Sunday?

(1:13pm)  
**Yeaaaah buddy**

(1:17pm)  
Sam…

(1:19pm)  
**No no no, I’m calling the shots this time around**

(1:21pm)  
**You can stay holed up in your apartment listening to the gentle periodic thrumming of me knocking on your door**

(1:22pm)  
**Or you can cave now and eat some barely-above-average raw fish. Your call.**

(1:36pm)  
**So?**

(1:39pm)  
**Whaddya say?**

(1:45pm)  
I fucked up.

(1:46pm)  
**Ordering sushi is not that complicated.**

(1:48pm)  
You know what I mean.

(1:51pm)  
**There was no way you could’ve known HYDRA would use your voicemails, Steve.**

(1:51pm)  
**You were grieving. It was part of your process. That isn’t your fault.**

(1:53pm)  
Bucky thinks it is.

(1:56pm)  
**James is under the impression that you think he’s an unevolved unemotional cyborg. He was angry and he lashed out. He knows better than to blame you for what HYDRA did to him.**

(1:57pm)  
If that’s true, then why won’t he pick up the phone?

(2:01pm)  
**I don’t know Steve.**

(2:04pm)  
**Eventually, you two are going to get your shit together, and you’re going to talk this out.**

(2:06pm)  
**And you’ll explain and he’ll listen and it’ll all be water under the bridge, yeah?**

(2:06pm)  
**But none of that is going to make a difference if you keep looking for reasons to prove everything is your fault.**

(2:07pm)  
**You want Bucky to forgive you, but you haven’t even forgiven yourself.**

(2:10pm)  
I just want to go back to how things used to be.

(2:13pm)  
**People change, Steve. Barnes is no exception, and neither are you.**

(2:15pm)  
So I’m supposed to, what? Do nothing?

(2:16pm)  
**You’re supposed to take care of yourself, Steve.**

(2:19pm)  
**And maybe respect that Bucky needs some time to work through his own stuff. I know you’re kind of a big deal, but the kind of shit Barnes is dealing with isn’t always about you, you know?**

(2:20pm)  
Yeah, I know

(2:22pm)  
**Good man, Rogers.**

(2:23pm)  
**And while you’re taking my advice and all, when a man offers you sushi, you’re supposed to say yes.**

(2:24pm)  
You don’t have to do this, you know.

(2:27pm)  
**I’m a little offended that you think I do any of this because I feel like I have to.**

(2:29pm)  
**You know people care about you, right? This is sort of how friendship works.**

(2:29pm)  
**So you know**

(2:30pm)  
**Get used to it.**

(2:34pm)  
Thanks Sam

(2:39pm)  
**Don’t mention it.**

+++

 _You’ve reached James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

Hey, it’s Steve…just checked the clock and realized it’s been just over 12 hours since I’ve left you a message, so I figured it was about time to leave you another. I just… look, Buck, I thought… I thought I needed to know where you and I stand. I just wanted to know if the reason you’re not calling me back is because you thought that when I was talking to Nat about how I was— am — an emotional wreck that I was talking about you, or if it’s because of those voicemails that… that HYDRA used. Or if it’s something else entirely.

But it’s been really selfish of me, to keep trying to force a conversation you don’t want. When we got back to New York, I stopped trying to… rebuild things with you because… because I thought that was what you wanted. I assumed, and I was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m not going to get this wrong again.

I just want you to know that I heard you. You want space, and I need to respect that, for as long as you want it or need it. And if that means you never want to talk to me again, then that’s… that’s something I’ll learn to live with. But if you ever… if you ever change your mind, I’m just a phone call away.

Take care, Buck.

_-click-_

+++

June 30, 2017 // **James Barnes**  
(11:03pm)  
_I screwed up._

(11:04pm)  
_I’m sorry_

 **011 299 467 8133**  
(11:05pm)  
I’ll be over in ten

(11:06pm)  
_Thank you._

+++

 _Your call has been forwarded to an automatic message system._ –Steve Rogers- _is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press pound for more options._ –BEEP-

“I thought we were doing the heart-to-heart thing.”

“We are.”

“Then why’re you on your phone?”

“I’m playing Candy Crush. Are you that starved for attention Barnes?”

“Only for your attention, Romanov.”

“Don’t worry your paranoid little heart, I’m listening. So you were saying that you’re madly in love with Steve—”

“Oh here we go—”

“And if it were biologically possible you’d have his children in a heart beat.”

“Seriously, I don’t even need to be here for this conversation, the way you go on.”

“Okay, _koteek_ , you have my full and undivided attention.”

“…”

“James?”

“I’m still mad at him.”

“Of course you are.”

“He’s hasn’t been honest with me.”

“No, he hasn’t.”

“But…”

“But you still love him.”

“…”

“Is this still about the voicemails?”

“No… no, it’s not—”

“Because you have every right to be upset—”

“I’m not… I don’t care. I mean, I care, but I don’t blame him… hell, if it had been the other way around… I don’t even want to think about what I would’ve done if he’d been… whatever, the point is, I don’t blame him.”

“Then James, I’m not sure I get what the problem is. You don’t blame him. You know he was talking about himself the other day—”

“And it’s stupid for him to think any of that crap he said is true, if you ask me—”

“—I didn’t, actually— what I’m saying is, you two actually seem to be on the same page. So why don’t you just, call him, sort this out—”

“Because!”

“Because what?”

“Because he’s better off without me.”

“And he thinks the exact same thing about you! Something’s gotta give here.”

“Steve is doing the best he can trying to handle all of his own shit. He doesn’t need my problems on top of it all.”

“Steve doesn’t want to handle you, James. He wants to be with you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re so determined to believe he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“If he does he would’ve said something, right? Why wouldn’t he have said something?”

“Why haven’t you?”

“C’mon, Nat. I’m a fucking mess. How can he love me when I barely love me?”

_—click—_

+++

July 1, 2017 // **011 33 679 983 313**  
(8:09pm)  
Listen to your voicemail, and call him.

(8:12pm)  
You owe it both of you to say what needs to be said.

(8:15pm)  
And then you owe me about four tubs of Ben and Jerry’s.

(8:23pm)  
Got it?

 **Steve Rogers**  
(8:45pm)  
Yes ma'am

+++

 _You’ve reached James Barnes. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave me your name and number, and a brief message, and I’ll give you a call back._ -BEEP-

“Bucky, it’s Steve. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised I got your voicemail. Our life is nothing if not a bunch of missed phone calls after all — no reason a confession of undying love should be the exception to that rule.

Yeah that’s right. I love you. I’ve loved you when we were six and you thought taste testing my food before letting me eat it would save me from allergic reactions. I loved you when we were twelve and I flipped over my bike and you stole a sheet hanging from Mr. Gunthrey’s balcony to use to wrap the cut on my leg so it would stop bleeding. I loved you when you would be late to every class in middle school just so you could walk me down the hallway to keep me from getting shoved around by bullies.

And when I joined the army, I loved you for thinking I was a complete fool who didn’t know one end of a sniper from another. I loved you for not wanting me to enlist, even though you’d done it yourself. And now? Now, I love you for wanting better for me, and for unbelievably not realizing that ‘better for me’ could only ever be when I was with you.

So that’s that. I don’t know a hell of a lot, Buck. But I do know we’re different people, and I know we’re still dealing with our own shit, and I know we’re not perfect, and I know we probably can’t be fixed, and I know that I love you. I’ve never been that great with words, Buck, but I hope that those were the right ones.”

_—click—_

+++

 **Bucky**  
(10:02pm)  
_Did you mean it?_

 **Steve Rogers**  
(10:02pm)  
What kind of a question is that?

(10:04pm)  
_Does you not answering the question mean you meant it or you didn’t? I’m not so good at reading in between the lines_

(10:04pm)  
I love you, you complete and utter jerk.

(10:05pm)  
_That’s what I thought you meant_

(10:06pm)  
Where are you?

(10:08pm)  
Not that I need to know. 

(10:10pm)  
If you still need space I understand

(10:15pm)  
I just want to see you

(10:16pm)  
If you want, I mean

(10:19pm)  
Or we can wait until tomorrow. Whatever you want

(10:21pm)  
Bucky?

(10:29pm)  
_Open your door. You text too much_

+++

July 4, 2017 // **Sam Wilson**  
(3:43pm)  
**Happy Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes haven’t seen sunlight in 48 hours day!**

 **1 (703) 482 0624**  
(3:50pm)  
They’re definitely making up for lost time

(3:51pm)  
**We did pretty good, you and I.**

(3:54pm)  
I’m pretty sure I did the bulk of the work here.

(3:55pm)  
**I contributed!**

(3:57pm)  
You get an assist. Maybe.

(3:58pm)  
**I’ll take it.**

(4:00pm)  
**I’m just disappointed they won’t be there for me to make all of my fireworks jokes.**

(4:04pm)  
**Not to mention all my Independence Day jokes**

(4:05pm)  
**Really this material writes itself.**

(4:06pm)  
If you say so Wilson.

(4:06pm)  
**I should’ve done standup. Missed my calling.**

(4:07pm)  
You could’ve even done a bit with your action figures.

(4:09pm)  
**If you’re gonna mock them, at least call them dolls so I know when you’re making fun of me.**

(4:11pm)  
Wouldn’t wanna make it too easy for you.

(4:12pm)  
**Never change, Natasha**

(4:14pm)  
I don’t plan on it

+++

 **FROM:** srogers@us.shield.mil  
**TO:** nfury@us.shield.mil  
**SUBJECT:** Letter of Resignation

Director Fury,

Please accept this e-mail as my official resignation from my role as SHIELD spokesperson.

While I have appreciated the new perspective gained from operating regularly in the public sphere, it’s more important to me that my interaction with the public be totally transparent, and that it be on my terms. As much as I have appreciated the flexibility SHIELD has afforded me in my responses, I know that as long as I am speaking with a SHIELD banner over my head, I will constantly be filtering my responses in a way that is neither gratifying nor honest to SHIELD, to the American public, and to myself.

I look forward to working closely with, but independently from, SHIELD as the Avengers Initiative moves forward. As much as I have valued the work I’ve done with SHIELD’s solo missions, I’ve always done my best work as part of a team. Though it’s been some time, I’m think I’m ready to find that team, now.

Please forward my apologies to Agent Hill. She should know that the reason I didn’t use her cue cards was not because they were illegible. It was because I didn’t agree with them.

Sincerely,

Steven Grant Rogers

+++

  
+++

**July 7, 2017**

**To the Editor:**

**Re: Time Turn the Shield on Captain America (front page, July 5):**

When the Daily Bugle christened Steve Rogers ‘Captain America’ on February 7, 2011, people took to the name better than even J. Jameson could’ve hoped for. Captain America showed up in essays and in manifestos. Comics of an all-American hero with an A emblazoned on his forehead sold faster than anything in the comic industry had in years; images of Cap punching Hitler in the face, single handedly taking down enemy fleets, swinging a giant shield at aliens falling from the sky — these impossible fantasies were burned into the American imagination.

On February 7, 2011, Captain America was exactly what we as a nation needed: a fictional character that could be made to fight fictional villains. He was the ideal hero, and even though the Captain America that came to life on the pages didn’t technically exist, there was a collective understanding that he could exist, theoretically, in Steve Rogers. And in that belief, we have forgotten where the hero ends and the man begins.

In your article, you claim that Captain America - the very man that once single handedly invaded enemy territory to save his squadron - now attacks American citizens. You wrote that the villains on his hit list aren’t the ‘usual’ villains, that the people he now fights don’t look like the kind of enemy we’re used to seeing. You wrote that instead, he fights “ordinary Americans.” You imply that it’s not Captain America’s job to fight racism, sexism, xenophobia, institutional violence, or discrimination. You wrote that you miss the days “when Captain America was happy socking Hitler in the jaw.”

Steve Rogers has never punched Hitler in the face. He’s never been shot like a bullet into the atmosphere, never jumped from the top of the Empire State Building and parachuted onto an enemy warhead. Steve Rogers is a soldier, and all he’s ever done is what soldiers do: fight the war they’re meant to fight, and hopefully, come home. And sometimes, when soldiers come home, they keep fighting. Because they’re trained to see the injustice the rest of us overlook.

The Daily Bugle created a character whose very essence was rooted in how deeply he cares for this country. Is it really a surprise to anyone that he cares enough to protect it, even from itself?

The truth is, we need Steve Rogers far more than we ever needed Captain America. And the best part about Steve Rogers is that he’s real. Not an ink and paper caricature, but a man who does his best, who sometimes makes mistakes, who believes in something greater than himself. I believe it is our duty is do right by the Steve Rogers that lives in each of us.

You asked, “Who will be our Captain America now?” Steve Rogers has been Captain America for long enough. Now, it’s our turn.

Signed: J. B. Barnes

+++

_Barnes here. I can’t come to the phone, and honestly, if you a leave me a message I probably won’t listen to it. But hey, if you have this number, chances are you have Steve’s too, so if you’re desperate to get a hold of me, give him a call. He absolutely loves talking on the phone. Seriously._

-BEEP-

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! 
> 
> Once again, a very big thank you to all of you lovely people for your comments and kudos. I'll likely be putting up some one shots at some point - not sure I'm totally prepared to make my exit from this universe just yet - so if there's anything you're particularly drawn to seeing more of, do let me know!
> 
> In the meantime, I'll be hovering around on [tumblr](http://sleepingintheculdesac.tumblr.com/) for anyone who'd like to swing by and say hello! I hope that this was an ending worth waiting for. Take care!
> 
> Cheers,  
> Yara

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from the lyrics of The Avett Brothers' "February Seven".


End file.
